Adoption

Ok, so I am inconsistent at best at this whole blogging thing. A friend suggested it as good therapy, so I guess I will give it another try.

I have been down in the slumps lately about this whole adoption thing. We are still plugging away trying to finalize and it just seems as if the whole world is against this happening. I do have to say the MOST frustrating thing about this is the information, or should I say LACK OF, any information, much less reliable info.

In my opinion, the whole state of California's Child Welfare Services should be fired. I have not met one yet that has a clue as to what they are doing. Most of the time I get information that is either one of two things: 1. Pulled from some dark place where the sun does not shine. or 2. A bald-faced blatant lie.

I have received more than my fair share of lies from them and frankly I am sick and tired of their whole department. On one occasion I got so frustrated with the obvious lie that I was being fed, that I contacted my son's lawyer and asked for clarification and why I was being lied to. I ended up getting in trouble with my agency because I was being a "troublemaker". Excuse me for wanting the truth so I can protect him as best as I can. In my defense, I did NOT tell the lawyer to take County Services to court about the lie, that was something she did all on her own. But I do have to say, that really did make my day. Even if we lost.

When we started this whole process 2 years ago, I was going through classes with a friend who was also looking to adopt. I sped through every piece of paperwork they threw my way. I was months ahead of everyone else as far as completing paperwork. We started searching for a child long before anyone else.

After a year of trying to get placed with a child, and COUNTLESS number of submissions for what we thought were PERFECT kids, through a complete fluke in the system, we were placed with our 6 year old son and this long uphill battle began. I can vividly remember trying to encourage my friend who was feeling so down because they could not find a child. We had our son for over 3 months by the time they were placed with a child. They got an adorable baby boy. 17 months old. How sweet. He wasn't really talking yet, he couldn't fight with her other 4 kids. He was adored by the whole family. There was no jealousy between any of the kids. He didn't throw self-harming tantrums or tell repetitive lies or steal things or scream at them. How nice for them to get a baby! They bonded so quickly.

I stood by and watched enviously. They had no BM in the picture, and they signed adoptive placement paperwork last month. Now I found out they are signing finalization paperwork next month. Don't get me wrong, I am so so SO happy for them, they are the SWEETEST family and deserve this. Completely. I just cannot help but be SO jealous!!

After 6 months of 2x per month BM visits complete with post-visit trauma every time, and the .26 hearing canceled and rescheduled 3 times, the closure visit canceled and rescheduled 4 times, not to mention the fact that the court ordered timeline was blown by almost a month and she STILL got privileges and a closure visit AFTER we were told she could not since she didn't bother to show up AND we sat him down and explained the whole thing to him. And then we were told she had 60 days to appeal. Got a phone call on day 75 saying, Oh, yeah, she did file an "Intent to Appeal" What the crap?? Seriously? Geez, so if I got a speeding ticket, could I just call them up 2 1/2 months later and say, "Hey, I INTEND to pay my ticket." I wonder how that would fly? And then how long is it until she actually files? No one knows. I can't get an answer on that. I just got told, "Yeah, it will be another year before you can finalize."

How terrific. Did I mention that we have to move this coming summer? And that it could possibly be overseas? Super great. And I have been asking what I need to do if that were to happen for two months now. Do you think I have an answer yet? Oh, no. The only answer I got was, "Oh wow! I will have to look that one up!" Exactly how long does that take again? Probably a year. It is amazing to me that no one has any answers for me, but they do have plenty of attitude to go around. God forbid I actually make them work for a change.

I know I have a crappy attitude right now, but I am so aggravated with the whole entire thing. I hope someday I will be able to look back and say that this was definitely worth every second. As of right now, I am just going to sit here on my pity pot and mope about how smooth other's lives are.

I read something once that has always stuck with me and I usually do try my best to always remember it:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato

I know this is true, and I know that some people would gladly take my pathetic complaints compared to what they are going through. God, please help me to see this situation through Your eyes, cause mine are being stubborn right now!